Thinking words

•  Telling a child when he/she can do something.

“Feel free to go out as soon as you have your room clean.”

“ Feel free to come back to the room as soon as you are calm.”

•  Telling the child the conditions under which the adult will do something.

“I'll be glad to discuss this with you as soon as the arguing stops.”

“I'll be glad to wash the clothes that are put in the laundry room.”

•  Describing the choices a child has.

“You may eat what is served, or you may wait and see if the next meal appeals to you more.”

Fighting Words 

•  Telling the child what to do.

“You get to work right now!”

•  Telling the child what you will not allow.

“You're not going to talk to me that way!”

•  Telling the child what you won't do for him/her.

“I'm not picking up your dirty clothes.”